Bill & Hillary Clinton's "Breaking Bad" - like tale?

You want to know some more reasons to not vote for Hillary Clinton? When people begin dying off around a couple as famous as Bill and Hillary Clinton, people should start to sit up and take notice.

Call it coincidence or just bad luck, but the following deaths did occur:

1- James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an apparent heart attack while in solitary confinement. He was a key witness in Ken Starr's investigation.

2 - Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.

3 - Vince Foster - Former White House councilor, and colleague of Hillary Clinton at Little Rock's Rose Law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the head, ruled a suicide.

4 - Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National Committee Chairman. Reported to have died by impact in a plane crash. A pathologist close to the investigation reported that there was a hole in the top of Brown's skull resembling a gunshot wound. At the time of his death, Brown was being investigated, and spoke publicly of his willingness to cut a deal with prosecutors. The rest of the people on the plane also died. A few days later the air traffic controller committed suicide.

5 - C. Victor Raiser, II - Raiser, a major player in the Clinton fund raising organization, died in a private plane crash in July 1992.

6 - Paul Tulley - DNC Political Director found dead in a hotel room in Little Rock, September 1992. Described by Clinton as a "dear friend and trusted advisor".

7 - Ed Willey - Clinton fundraiser, found dead November 1993 deep in the woods of Virginia, of a gunshot wound to the head. Ruled a suicide, Ed Willey died on the same day his wife Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her in the oval office in the White House. Ed Willey was involved in several Clinton fund raising events.

8 - Jerry Parks - Head of Clinton's gubernatorial security team in Little Rock, Parks was found gunned down in his car at a deserted intersection outside Little Rock. Park's son said his father was building a dossier on Clinton and he allegedly threatened to reveal this information. After he died, the files were mysteriously removed from his house.

9 - James Bunch - Died from a gunshot suicide. It was reported that he had a "Black Book" of people which contained names of influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas and Arkansas.

10 - James Wilson - Was found dead in May 1993 from an apparent hanging suicide. He was reported to have ties to Whitewater..

11 - Kathy Ferguson - Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny Ferguson, was found dead in May 1994, in her living room with a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even though there were several packed suitcases, as if she were going somewhere. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with Bill Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson was a.possible corroborating witness for Paula Jones.

12 - Bill Shelton - Arkansas State Trooper and fiance of Kathy Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancée, he was found dead in June, 1994 of a gunshot wound, also ruled a suicide, at the grave site of his fiancée.

13 - Gandy Baugh - Attorney for Clinton's friend Dan Lassater, died by jumping out a window of a tall building January, 1994. His client was a convicted drug distributor.

14 - Florence Martin - Accountant & sub-contractor for the CIA, was related to the Barry Seal, Mena, Arkansas, airport drug smuggling case. He died of three gunshot wounds.

15 - Suzanne Coleman - Reportedly had an affair with Clinton when he was Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot wound to the back of the head,  ruled a suicide. She was pregnant at the time of her death.

16 - Paula Grober - Clinton's speech interpreter for the deaf from 1978 until her death, December 9, 1992. She died in a one car accident.

And yet two more deaths, whispered about but not confirmed, of two little boys on some railroad tracks who happened to see a plane drop some cocaine off for the Clintons, both of whom were subsequently killed? This is beginning to sound more like a "Breaking Bad" script than a family of elected officials. 

Take time to know them is all I suggest, before giving the Clintons any more opportunities to wield power over the lives of others, accidental or bad luck factors aside.

A Brief History of Gun Control

In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Germany established gun control in 1938 and from 1939 to 1945, a total of 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated.

China established gun control in 1935. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Guatemala established gun control in 1964. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Uganda established gun control in 1970. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Cambodia established gun control in 1956. From 1975 to 1977, one million educated people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Defenseless people rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control: 56 million.

You won't see this data on the US evening news, or hear politicians disseminating this information. Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the law-abiding citizens. 

Take note my fellow Americans, before it's too late! The next time someone talks in favor of gun control, please remind them of this history lesson.

With guns, we are 'citizens'. Without them, we are 'subjects'.

(Posted by Jeff Everett originally, Facebook, 1-6-16)

Stephen King's Recurring "Empire of the Ants" Theme

Psalm 8:3-4King James Version (KJV)
³ When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;
⁴ What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?

To the left is one of the Hubble telescope's photos of a globular cluster of stars. As it travels through the universe, Hubble has given us a small glimpse of the manifold objects scattered throughout the "heavens." While I personally have never been visited by anyone from outside of our own earth's atmosphere, neither can I deny the probability that life exists, in one form or another, somewhere outside of our solar system.

Having said that, I need to ask one of this world's most revered writers, Mr. Stephen King, what is it with his obsession with some sort of evil ant empire awaiting us either here, to wit, ants using human beings in a reversed "ant farm" project as in Under the Dome, or  hereafter, as in, waiting for us humans to die so they can enslave what is left of our pitiful selves when we die, per his latest tome, (destined, of course, to be yet another best seller for this "king" of the horror genre),Revival?????

All I could think as I read the end of Revival was, really? Ants, yet again? I was so disappointed, even let down. I felt, not suckered-in so much as I was "succored" by King's undeniably excellent power of narrative; he had me hooked, as usual, from the first paragraph. As the drama unfolded, I was increasingly interested in the source of the pervasive electricity  sought by Rev. Jacobs, and where the final charge would lead. I just KNEW it would be a spectacular and awe-inspiring conclusion.

I didn't even care that the whole novel was tilted against anything spiritual. Perhaps the "revelation" would finally explain the unexplainable, reveal a bizarre but nevertheless believable continuance for the souls of humanity, a place where, at the very least, the intellectual vestiges of mankind would be allowed to grow and go on; in other words, a hopeful place, even if it were godless expanse.

But why such a depressing and sad end for us all? "Howling stars", "paper sky"? Malevolent ants marching the chained remnants of human beings in long lines toward some dim horizon, toward some huge evil queen ant? NOOOOOOOOOO! I howled at the paper sky I held in my hands. Not ants, not again!

I can only hope that Mr. King has finally written all  of the ants out of his computer and will never again foist these foul critters upon his faithful reading public. I could never NOT read a new Stephen King novel. (Besides, I am in his book club and always get the newest book about the same time as it hits the library's shelves where I work.) I only plead that Mr. King let go of this obsessive compulsion to throw all of mankind under the six feathery legs of monsters with large mandibles and empty eyes. Enough already. We get it; big ants make really bad taskmasters.

And, besides, the ending does not make scientific sense, i.e., how can you chain non-corporeal human beings in any way at all? All that is left after death, if there is an afterlife, would be the electrical charges that reside in the brain. The flesh is in the ground or burned to ash or otherwise converted, so that the remaining unseen portion of our body, e.g., electricity, has to go somewhere, since, as Dr. Einstein once noted, matter cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be changed into either more matter or energy.

My alternate ending (without the fleshing-out it would need in real life novels, pun wholly intentional): Rev Jacobs has wrought the unthinkable: he has revived the newly dead woman and, although she does not breathe, her heart responds to the intense electrical prompt and begins to beat again. Her eyes snap open while her arms and legs jerk in spasms. The fallen, former man of God leans into her face, gazes into the glazed but still beautiful orbs of the recently deceased and sees a painting by Akiane Kramarik, the child prodigy painter/poet/author, who believes that God spoke to her when she was four years old, telling her to paint her visions and share them with a despairing and unbelieving world.

Akiane's parents were atheists who converted to Christianity because of Kramarik's paintings and visions, and so Rev. Jacobs  is also converted, as he draws his last breath, with the image of his dead wife and son smiling from one of Akiane's portraits, only they are alive and well, and Jamie Morton slips to his knees in awe as, at the same time Rev. Jacobs sees HIS version of the vision, so Jamie sees his sister, Claire, smiling and happy.

Why not a happy ending? No need to mention a god or angels; just these angelic-looking faces of lost loved ones, smiling from a golden frame, painted in heavenly hues. Eternally at rest, forever young and beautiful. And like the paintings in Harry Potter's school (Hogwarts), these paintings are alive so the subjects in the frames can move around and visit people or places in other frames.

AND the quality of the frame is an indicator of how well the lives of the subjects had been lived, so these last three decedents are framed in gold and silver set with jewels, and bad people have wooden frames with knotholes and some sort of weevil chewing at the edges (this is for those who simply MUST have some sort of evil insect involved in their endings, hint, hint.) In addition, the evil people have to stay in their frames until they learn to live well with others.

Okay, I have had my say, I am out of here. Keep up the great writing, Mr. King. Just a little less of the ant themes in the future, and take a long look at Ms. Kramarik's works and tell me that brain is destined for some sort of ant chain in the next life. Yeah, right. People can be bad, Stephen, and they can even be evil, but there are a whole lot of good ones out there, too. I refuse to give up on the human race, and I refute any claims stating death is the end of us or worse.

I, for one, intend to go on, in some form or another, along with the rest of you. There may not be a single creator involved in our design, but there is surely some source for our ingenuity, our good emotions, our sense of community and our insatiable curiosity about everything around us, the world, each other, the universe. Something compels us to seek and in that seeking, (or, in that sleep of death, as Shakespeare once noted), what dreams may come, indeed! And if we are bound in any way in the next realm of existence, it will be by the bonds of affection and love, memory and faith, and even by verifiable science and a new plane of reality.

Goodnight and sleep easy, fellow humankind. All is not lost, there are no demon ants awaiting us on the other side, and I personally believe that we will survive; something of us will continue and go on. I believe that we forge our own chains, if we want to continue an analogy: the ones we will have to carry, for good or evil, in this life for awhile; in the next, forever.

("Faithfulness" a painting by Akiane Kramarik)
  

Swamped

I've been feeling "swamped" lately, overwhelmed by life and all of its emotionally charged turmoil, and it's not just because of all the "swamp" -related shows being filmed around and about here in South Louisiana.

To begin with, I am in media-sensory-overload what with the fallout from the George Zimmerman trial, Detroit going bankrupt, alleged government cover-ups, mismanagement of public funds, the plight of Israel, and wondering how much of my personal data contributed to the downfall of the America in which I was raised.

I am firmly convinced that my Eisenhower baby-flavored version of the good ol' USA is in a downward spiral and soon will be gone, as surely as if it, too, were sinking in some vast quagmire, returning to its primordial state, a land without man, machine or media. I have dreamt of this nightmare landscape, a deadly quiet, misty, gray place where unknown danger surrounds and paralyzes me, and I don't want to go to that place in real time.

I have gotten the impression that our current president truly dislikes the majority of US citizens, or worse, he truly does not care about most of us. Mr. Obama was a popular-vote president, a historic first for America, being half-black, and even though I did not vote for him, I hoped he would not be vindictive and/or belligerent. Alas, I hoped in vain. He is contributing to the vicious blame game and racial unrest without a thought to the consequences of his inflammatory rhetoric, so shame on him for not being a wise leader.

Aside from politics, I am sad for the family of Trayvon Martin. I was not there the night he died, nor was I in the courtroom for George Zimmerman's trial. But I have three sons of my own, and no mother wants to have to bury her baby.

On the other hand, I have served on a jury before and I trust that the jury members did their best and came to the correct verdict: it was not second degree murder as there was no malicious intent to kill in this tragic case, only a lack of communication that led to a very sad ending; a badly scared man, in a flurry of fear and pain, used the weapon of last resort on a young man, thereby ending that young man's life. Zimmerman has to live with that fact for the rest of his life. He will be targeted by disgruntled people who want to see him punished, so his life is pretty much ruined from henceforth anyway. There were no winners in this matter; everyone lost something.

As my health begins to fail, I find it ever harder to remain hopeful. I wish I knew how to make everything okay for everyone, but I don't have the answers, the cure for all ills, social or physical. I can barely afford to pay most of my bills, cannot afford to go to the doctor as often as I need, and I need to do more for the two children I have left at home, make their future more secure. There is too much to do and little energy or means to do it.

We all have problems, some worse than others, but it seems to me the best thing we can do now is take care of our own business; don't try to run the lives of others, don't fight others' battles. We are all a little overloaded in these trying times, and I sincerely hope all will be well for everyone. I grieve over the bad choices I made in the past, but am trying to do better now. Things could be worse, and probably will get a lot worse in my lifetime, but I still cannot abandon my duties nor run from my responsibilities. Whatever is wrong with me I alone can make right, and so I will keep trying to do better tomorrow than I did today.

My heart is broken, and my spirit is contrite. Keep your heads above water, don't let life drag you into bad actions against your neighbor or your fellow citizens. We did not kill that young man in Florida, and we should not be punished for a crime we all wish had not occurred. Fighting each other is not the solution. May God comfort the grieving; may the peace of Christ be as the balm of Gilead to the hurting soul of this nation and its people.

 

God have mercy on us all.

 

That is all I have to say.

Regina, Queen of Pups

This is all about Regina, the little mini-Schnauzer I bought for my daughter nearly two years ago after we made the move from Georgia to Louisiana. Every day when I get home from my job at the library, Regina greets me as though I just returned from a three-month tour of the Antarctic, wriggling all over, jumping as high as she can to reach my arms, whimpering and licking my face all at the same time.

 

I initially bought her for my daughter because, besides promising Lesley a dog of her own for several years, I also did not want the dog to be mine, thinking that fine distinction would keep me from caring too much or getting emotionally involved, yet again, with a canine. I pretend to be annoyed, instead of vastly entertained, when I am trying to vacuum and she reacts to the racket by violently barking at the offending machine and snapping at it as though it were a prehistoric monster invading our home.

 

Alas, too late for pretenses. This little dog has already claimed me as her surrogate "grandma" and has me eating out of her paw, so to speak. We have had to rescue her twice from death already, once from parvomyelitis after we had her only a few days, and another time last year from a horrific bout with hemorrhagic gastroenteritis, which had her bleeding from both ends. Good grief, where did THAT come from, I frantically asked the vet? I was told something as everyday as a violent thunderstorm could set off such an illness, but thankfully, $645 later, she recovered. We've had to spend more than $2,000 on her already between her illnesses, spaying operation and periodic grooming, but I don't regret keeping her alive and well, for the sake of everyone involved, not just Regina.

 

On the surface, I still pretend for my daughter's sake that Regina is HER dog. This is to get Lesley out of the house via walking her pet, and keeps Lesley on top of food bowl duty. Regina also sleeps in Lesley's bed at nights and it's up to her to handle most of the baths and poopy accidents.

 

But when it gets down to who the little dog really likes to hang out with, and who she likes to play fetch with, and who is the softest touch for dispensing multiple doggy treats, well, that would be me, Grandma Barb, who lets the dog order her around and even gets her to crawl on her hands and knees in the garage retrieving doggy golf balls lodged beneath lawn mowers etc., who cleans her little furry face everyday and scratches her ears and neck just right, and feeds her tidbits off her plate when she knows she's not supposed to. (shhh!)

 

I never tell my daughter the dog really belongs to me because that would break her heart, but we all know who her "fave" is. And I really wish it weren't this way as I never wanted to care this much about another dog as long as I lived, knowing how hard I will take it should anything happen to her.

 

But I know there are risks attached to every relationship, times of separation and times of being together, and the memories I am making now with my daughter and her beloved Regina will be with me always.

 

It is my sincere hope that no matter what, Regina will always be with us, both here and hereafter. I truly believe dogs belong to humankind as much as individual humans, like mothers and daughters, belong to each other, and the great thing that binds us all is love.

 

Casting My Vote Away

Well, the election is over. I voted Republican, as I have in every presidential election since 1972, when me and most of the other 18-year-olds voting for the first time per the 26th amendment, all voted for Nixon based on his promise to bring our friends home from Vietnam, (except for the time I cast my little vote for Jimmy Carter at the request of my Georgian uncle - alas, poor Richard, he got that one wrong!)

 

I try to take comfort from St. Paul, (I paraphrase here), who advised us that, after doing all we can do to make things right, then we stand. We stand together and try to get along, bear the taunts from the winning side (thanks, Beyonce, for the "Take that, Mitches" remark. Real classy) and turn the other cheek, try not to be bitter and spiteful, but long suffering and patient, if at all possible.

 

I live in South Louisiana, as you know, but I have also lived all over this great country. I was born on Luke Air Force Base in Glendale, Arizona. Since that time, I have lived from Bangor, Maine to Brownsville, Texas, and from Homestead, Florida to Anacortes, Washington; from Bainbridge, Georgia to Westminster, Colorado and home again to Gonzales, then, eventually, Sorrento, Louisiana.

 

Having lived in so many diverse places, I can tell you that I believe we are blessed with a great country. But ... since the re-election of Barack Obama, my daughter wants to emigrate to another country (like Ireland or New Zealand), and my son is talking about arming himself against our own government, fearful that U.S. troops will be set against their own citizens under martial law, at some point, to enforce policies dictated by a Socialist agenda. These children, only 18 years old, are afraid of their own government. They listen to reports on the Internet, tune into YouTube videos spouting dire warnings of things to come, and they want to get the heck out of here.

 

We cannot leave America, I tell them. We have neither the money nor the resources to just drop our lifestyle which I am struggling so hard to maintain. I try to explain this to them and assure them that all will be well, that good WILL triumph and things WILL be made right in time.

 

But am I lying to my children? Am I sugar-coating the situation in order to keep them in place and calm their fears? What kind of mess are we leaving for this future generation, when things like meatless Mondays are being approved in L.A. and the sex lives of agency leaders take precedence over saving the lives of our foreign ambassadors? Our priorities are upside-down and getting even  more inane on a daily basis.

 

No, I don't want to secede from the U.S. even though I also don't want to be kept in a part-time job forever, barely eking out a living, barely able to keep my children fed and a roof over their heads. So what is the answer? How do I assuage the fears of my children and also take that "stand" that the Bible suggests I take?

 

With all of my heart, I mean no harm to the current president, but I also suspect his agenda is skewed and not in the best interest of the majority of Americans. I cannot maintain my current living status indefinitely in the light of the current economic situation in the U.S. My hopes of even getting a full-time job just went south as more and more companies investigate reverting to and keeping more part-time staff in order to avoid higher insurance rates under Obamacare.

 

I guess you can equate this small blog of mine to a rant, but it is not one of threats or reprisal. I only want to state that if I could do more to protect my children, I would. I am doing all I can to survive and the game is changing before my eyes, making it an even tougher job to do.

 

I wish I could feel more hopeful, but right now, I can't. For right now, then, I'll just keep doing my job the best I can and keep trying to comfort my children with the promise that Americans are not going to keep on taking executive order after executive order that strips us of our constitutional right to self-govern our own states, and I will try to believe that at some point, some greater power will intercede and make things right.

 

I cannot trust the majority of my fellow Americans to think these matters through and vote for what is best for our country: the last election has proven that. It is too easy to lead people about by the nose with half-truths and innuendos and there is nothing to be done about it now, at any rate. If most states don't even bother to require legal identification before casting votes, voter fraud is blatantly rampant and suspect voters go unchallenged, allowing anyone to be president here, and so there are no limits to the resultant corruption from local government levels to national. Our electoral system has failed.

 

So now I will do all I can do to take care of my own business, keep my disappointment to myself, create as much security as I can for my family, instill hope in my children as best as I can, and then stand. Stay in my place and wait for the tide to turn.

 

I lived near beaches long enough to know that the tide will always turn, just like Tom Hanks' character observed in the movie "Castaway", and you never know what the next tide will bring,

 

 

Helping Hands Ease Pain of Isaac-born Flooding

Longtime residents of Tullier Road in Sorrento, Louisiana - a small town crisscrossed by I-10 and Highway 61, located between Baton Rouge and New Orleans - said this area had never flooded and that was a major reason my fiance, Philip Braud and myself, decided to purchase this property only last month.

That no-flooding claim changed forever - and devaluated our property as well -  after Hurricane Isaac rolled through the area the week before Labor Day 2012.

Of course, it could be worse, MUCH worse, and, sadly, some of that happened to many others due to this huge, slow-moving storm. I have sent many prayers out lately for those who lost family and friends and all or most of their property thanks to the huge Category 1 system that began impacting southern Louisiana and Mississippi Tuesday, August 28. We lost power in our area around 9:10 p.m. CDT and winds up to 90 miles an hour buffeted us through the next couple of days. Thank goodness we had Philip's generator to keep cold stuff cold, lights and Internet service on for updates.

When Entergy got the power restored Friday afternoon, we thought we had seen the worst of Isaac's effects. We couldn't believe our eyes when the waters started rising in the yard and then began approaching the house Saturday afternoon. We almost gave up and had nearly decided to just let the dirty brown water do its worst and handle the resulting mess the best we could, but a passing Ascension Parish truck dropped a load of sandbags in our driveway, and our good neighbor Bradley Tullier, had his son-in-law bring over one of his water pumps and he then began to help us stack bags around the concrete foundation. My youngest son, Dale, helped sandbag, and my oldest son, Andy Jackson, and nephew, Leevon Zedlitz, also showed up to help.

As we were working desperately to get the bags stacked, two Ascension Parish Councilmen happened to be passing our house - Kent Schexnaydre and Randy Clouatre - and then things began happening fast. Schexnaydre got right on his phone and called in Spencer Chauvin and his four-wheeler and trailer rig to our house to help move the bags. Clouatre quickly surveyed the situation, left for awhile and returned with his personal two-inch sump pump to start pumping water behind the stacked sandbags. I called my niece, Shannon Cernich. She sent her husband, Jamie, over to our house and right behind him a crew of willing workers from the Gonzales Ward of the LDS church and - miraculously it seemed, and within only about 45 minutes - our new home was safely ensconced behind a five-bag high wall of white bags, with two donated pumps working mightily to lower the water behind the bags and keep it away from our foundation.

At 1 p.m. Saturday, we had been about 30 minutes away from interior flooding. As darkness fell and our flood lights reflected off the vast lake surrounding our home, we wholeheartedly thanked our friends, elected officials and all of the other kind and helpful hands that worked so diligently to help us in our hour of need. In days to come, Councilman Schexnaydre came by at least two more times to see how we were doing. State Representative Clay Schexnayder also came by the day the flood waters began to rise along Tullier Road and promised he would investigate the flooding situation and work to alleviate or prevent its reoccurring.

And above all, I want to thank my tireless and hardworking fiance, Philip Braud, for making my children, myself and our home safe under the worst of circumstances. He has labored for more than a week, through well failure, power outages and flooding, on less then four hours sleep per day, and had to miss a much anticipated IHMSA Regional shooting match and several days of work in order to accomplish this. I love him and appreciate him more than I can say.

Bottom line, with flooding, as in most things in life, never say never, 'cause you just never know.

But it IS nice to know that sometimes the worst of times brings out the best in the best of people.

A big THANK YOU again to you all! 

 

God's Fingers, a Pathway to Heaven

I remember traveling across this land of ours from Georgia, across Texas and Arizona, to Washington state, and seeing the "fingers of God" as I called them, streaming through openings in the dark clouds looming over the gray highway before us.
It gave me a sense of hope even when I was little, sitting in the back seat of our brown '57 Bel Air, smelling my dad's Old Gold cigarette smoke and listening to him sing Hank Williams songs.
There was very little light in my life back then, but I looked for the rays of light every chance I got and imagined myself being lifted through the clouds one day, riding a beam of golden sun back to the source from whence I came, away from the blackness and horror of my childhood.
As an adult, I left my childish fancies behind for many years, losing my faith in any kind of god or religion. I came to believe that all religion was man made and therefore flawed, and I still believe that is true. Everything mankind touches and messes with becomes corrupted as it is reformed in the imagine of fallen men and broken women, and I had had enough of that forever.
Then I began reading new research in quantum physics and discovered that everything we expected of God, all of the potential for miracles and an afterlife, already resides within us: we create our realities and shape our own destinies simply by the way in which we view and develop our lives.
In his book, "Sole Survivor", I think Dean Koontz sums it up best on the last page when he wrote, "he understood that eternal life was not an article of faith but a law of the universe as true as any law of physics. The universe is an efficient creation: matter becomes energy, energy becomes matter; one form of energy is converted into another form; the balance is forever changing, but the universe is a closed system from which no particle of matter or wave of energy is ever lost ... The human mind and spirit, at their noblest, can transform the material world for the better; we can even transform the human condition ... Only the human spirit can act with volition and consciously change itself; it is the only thing in all creation that is not entirely at the mercy of forces outside itself, and it is, therefore, the most powerful and valuable form of energy in the universe. For a time, the spirit may become flesh, but when that phase of its existence is at an end, it will be transformed into a disembodied spirit once more."
Ultimately, Koontz noted, we are all shining lights.
So, on second consideration of what I used to call "God's Fingers," I now think those bright shafts of light may be the guiding lights of people who have gone before us, souls touching briefly again the earth they once called home, and giving us all a glimpse into the brighter existence for which we all may hope.
I hope a can be a light for others as I live, as well, a kindly and glowing candle that shines through good works and genuine concern for others. I have not felt this hopeful in a long time, but I finally begin to understand that God is not a fearful judge waiting to throw me into hell for not following "rules" of some organized religion. The God I believe in does not count how much tithing you have paid, he does not keep a record of how many Sundays you sat in a church, nor does he care where you live, what color you are, how much money you make or how many times you've been married.
Rather, God is a force within each of us, an energy waiting to be released, making us truly the masters of our own fates, captains of our individual destinies, no matter what happens all around us.
That is what I believe for now, at any rate. I will keep looking for the lights that shine hopefully through life's storms, and will hold out my own little light to those I meet along the way.
See you in the sunbeams!

No more "Prophets for Profits"

You know, at some point I really ought to just stop looking for "free" answers from anyone resembling or pretending to be a prophet.

Every time I think I might have found some site or book that could help me understand what God wants me to know or do with my life, I am asked to "donate" or give money to their particular cause; in other words, all of these self-proclaimed "prophets" are out to make a profit from their "inside" knowledge.

I blame my bad (as in "incorrect") upbringing in that falsest of all modern religions, the Mormon Church, for my fixation on wanting to believe that some mortal has answers for these impending dark days in America, but I am consistently as disappointed in these new sources as I am with Joseph Smith's lies.

The latest gaff I made was thinking a book called "The Harbinger" by one Jonathan Cahn might contain some of the answers to my queries about God. The book made some really great connections between Isaiah's prophecies about the fall of ancient Israel and modern day America, and I was anxious to learn more. I went to Cahn's "Hope of the World" (what a great and promising-sounding site!) hoping to get some direction, inspiration, hope and so on. I really hoped that perhaps Cahn really had been communicating with God and that he would let the rest of us know what the heck was going on. But sadly, as with other false leaders, I went to the author of this book's web site and - sure enough- he was asking for donations and would not share his complete "messages" with me without me first making a donation.

What the heck? I'd already paid $14 to buy the book; what was going on?

Did Moses stand in front of the downtrodden children of Israel and say, "Yes, I got a calling from God to come deliver you ... but first, a word from our sponsor" and then maybe his brother Aaron (his mouthpiece) steps forward, leaning on his staff, and says, "My brother Moses said God has asked that I pass a bushel basket around and only those who put their two shekels in can hang around and hear the rest of the deliverance message. If you can't afford the price, please head on back to the mud pits. Thank you for coming, and good luck digging your way to the promised land!"

Really? Think about it. What TRUE PROPHET OF GOD ALMIGHTY is going to charge admission to a divine revelation? Are you getting my drift here? Obviously, a true prophet does not, cannot, and WILL NOT make a profit off of revelations.

So, although the "Harbinger" author makes some great points, he does not practice what he preaches. He made a web site and delivers the message only to the shekel payers, and I'm all "shekeled out." It is for this same reason that I eschew any and ALL organized religions, especially the LDS church in which I was raised, because I saw the faces of the poor being ground into the earth; I heard the snide remarks about "well, if you were really living a righteous life, you would be blessed with not only children but the money to care for them, and care for them very well!"

But I saw the same money changing going on in every other church as well. I shrank from the passing platter in both Baptist and Methodist churches. I shuddered at the immense wealth of the Catholic church and its grandiose cathedrals. And television ministries tell the ultimate lies to sucker people when they preach "seeding" one's way to heaven by paying funds up front to the slick TV preachers. It is everywhere and it all leads to ... no where.

A true prophet of God, then, will not ask for a donation or a tithe, which is actually a very private matter, a covenant, between a person and their God, and is not meant to fund any other person's lifestyle. ALL tithing, 100 percent of it, should go to a general fund to help those in need, period. No churches built, no missions funded and no corporate investments, the way the LDS (MORG) church has done by building shopping malls and other things on its way to becoming one of the top ten corporations in the United States. No, no and no.

Where, in ANY part of the gospel of Jesus Christ, is it written that he ordered churches to be built? Where in any part of his ministry did he ask for donations to feed or clothe his disciples or himself? Jesus said, "The kingdom of God is within you" and instructed people to love one another and to give alms to the poor, sick and unfortunate.

On the other hand, he clearly demonstrated that his Father's house of worship was not the place for business when he angrily threw out of the Jerusalem temple those who made profits from temple goers, and he compared a rich man getting into heaven to a camel getting through the eye of a needle. Any church that teaches that worldly wealth is a sign of God's approval or favor, then, is lying because of all the people who ever lived on this earth, surely the Son of God should have been graced with these "signs" of God's approval, n'cest pas?

Okay, I have ranted on long enough about this matter. I'll let Ralph Waldo Emerson, a much wiser and more astute student of human nature than myself, sum this all up:

We spend our incomes for paint and paper, for a hundred trifles, I know not what, and not the things of a man.

Our expense is almost all for conformity. It is for cake that we run in debt; 'tis not the intellect, not the heart, not beauty, not worship, that costs so much.

"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:32) By the same token, truth from God is given as a gift to all of mankind, and therefore should always be shared in the same spirit. We are told to let our lights so shine that all men and women can be enlightened. We are not to hide the light but "let it shine", as in "share it all." As sunshine is free for all to benefit from, so is the word of God, and ANYONE who makes a profit from that selfsame knowledge sent from God is not a true prophet, but a selfish, self-serving thief and a money changer grinding the faces of the poor.

Selah, and Amen, to Bro. Cahn and anyone else who profits from playing prophet.

Top Irrefutable Proofs that the Mormon Church Is a Hoax

I asked some other ex-Mormons what they thought were the TOP FIVE irrefutable proofs that the Mormon Church (aka Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) was a hoax. Former Mormons quoted below include Richard Packham, Nick Humphrey and Ed Bliss.

In my opinion, the top arguments are:
- Mormon scriptures are contradictory (see
http://packham.n4m.org/contra.htm%20/%20_blank )
- The church and its leaders are liars (see
http://packham.n4m.org/lying.htm%20/%20_blank ). According to scripture, God and
God's servants do not lie.
- Smith claimed he could translate Egyptian, but he couldn't (see
http://packham.n4m.org/tract.htm%20/%20BOA%20/%20_blank )
- Smith made major changes in revelations that had originally been
approved by God (see http://packham.n4m.org/tract.htm%20/%20BOC%20/%20_blank )
- Church leaders received no inspiration from God to let them know that
Mark Hofmann was a forger (see http://packham.n4m.org/tract.htm%20/%20HOFMANN%20/%20_blank )
- The Mormons cannot produce any contemporary corroboration for the
"first vision" (see http://packham.n4m.org/tract.htm%20/%20FV%20/%20_blank )

OK, that's six, but they are all solid.

Richard Packham
------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. the Book of Abraham is proven to be a hoax by modern Egyptology scholarship
2. science has proven (a LONG time ago) that the human race is MUCH older than 6000 years, i.e. the story of Adam and Eve is a fairytale
3. the story of Noah and the world flood has been disproven by science, e.g. the Greenland ice sheet project
4. DNA research proves that Jews are NOT the principal ancestors of the native Americans as claimed by the church for over 180 years. the church changed this claim, i.e. changed the intro to the BOM in 2007 to "among the ancestors" (rewriting history. there are other examples of the LDS church rewriting history as well, including recently changing all original Book of Mormon phrases “white and delightsome“ to “PURE and delightsome“ so as not to offend dark-skinned peoples like African Americans and Native Americans.)
5. the majority of eyewitness accounts of the "translation" of the Book of Mormon tell of Joseph Smith putting his head inside his hat and reading words he says he saw on a seer stone, (note: there is no depiction of this in official church art) and the church never mentions this actual method of translation. It also never mentions in Jos. Smith church biography the fact that Joseph used to make money from other people by claiming to “find” things for them using a seer (or, “peep”) stone, like buried treasure and so forth.

By (Nick Humphrey)

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　The top three to five? Well, I could list several dozen, but the five I would select are:
1. The fact that Mormon doctrine cannot be found in the Book of Mormon. This is something most Mormons (and most critics of Mormonism) are not aware of, but it’s an “irrefutable” fact. 　For example: 　
What does the BoM say about pre-existence?... Nothing. 　
What does it say about 　the Three Degrees of Glory? ...Nothing. 　
About the Aaronic and Melchizedek priesthoods? ...Nothing
About baptism for the dead? ...Nothing
About eternal progression? ...Nothing
About marriage for eternity? ...Nothing
About progressing in paradise? ...Nothing
About temple endowments? ...Nothing
About the trinity being three distinct beings? ...Nothing
2. The fact that after reading Emanuel Swedenborg’s “Treatise on Heaven and Hell” Joseph Smith announced a number of doctrines that Swedenborg had previously advocated, including such things as pre-existence, eternal progression, the Three Degrees, marriage for eternity, the existence of many worlds besides this one, continuing revelation, etc. This is more fully discussed in my book, “A Friendly Discussion.”
3. The Kinderhook plates. It’s an “irrefutable fact” that Joseph Smith was taken in by the Kinderhook hoax. The “Encyclopedia of Mormonism” admits that the plates were a “frontier hoax,” yet Joseph Smith announced they were authentic, and said they contained a record, in Egyptian, of “a descendant of Ham through the loins of Pharaoh the king of Egypt.” One of the plates was discovered in the Chicago Historical Society in 1920, and it certainly isn’t Egyptian!
4. The First Vision problem. The version contained in the Pearl of Great Price and in the preface to the Book of Mormon is quite different than the earlier versions, which didn’t even mention that God appeared along with Jesus. In fact, the earliest versions stated that his first vision was a visitation of angels. As the Assistant Church Historian has admitted, “...there was apparently no reference to Joseph Smith’s first vision in any published material in the 1830’s...” The story of the First Vision, so fundamental to Mormonism, was embellished and added to the Mormon canon long after the event was supposed to have occurred.
5. The missing women problem. Most Mormons are unaware that women are almost non-existent in the Book of Mormon. Only three are mentioned by name, and there is a period of more than one thousand years of history in the Book of Mormon without the mention of a single woman. A thousand years with no women! As I pointed out in my book, lengthy volumes have been published about countless women of the Bible, but everything that is known about the women of the Book of Mormon could be written on a Post-it note!
Well, that would by my list of the five most “irrefutable” problems with Mormonism, but it’s tempting to list many more, such as the false prophecies of Joseph Smith, the Book of Abraham, the DNA problem, the true story of the Three Witnesses, the “View of the Hebrews” question, the “internal contradictions” in the Book of Mormon listed by LDS historian B.H. Roberts, and many 　more.
Good luck with your discussions, Barbara. And I think you are on the right track, looking for “irrefutable” arguments instead of the strategy of ridicule that many ex-Mormons seem to favor.

Ed Bliss, author of “A Friendly Discussion: Mormonism Pro and Con”

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If the church were true, it could withstand any and all scrutiny and would welcome a serious investigation. But the church leaders do not invite such scrutiny, and in fact, tells its members to stick to "faith promoting" sources only, as what is true is not necessarily helpful, to paraphrase the words of one of the church's top leaders.

While I am all for individual choice and religious freedom, I am also all for truth, and this organization is a prime example of an all-powerful body taking advantage of its members by concealing the whole truth from them or discouraging the members from researching church history and drawing their own conclusions. The church holds absolute sway over its members , rendering them into "sheeples" that is, meekly obedient flocks with no minds or original thoughts of their own.

All I expect from these writings, all I hope, is that I can encourage people to seek truth and be guided by it, as I was. There was no first vision, there were no golden plates, and there is no plan of salvation, or at least not as Joe Smith and the Mormons render it. Christ taught that the kingdom of God was within each person, not in a building or in another person's mind. All of us must find our own way to the next life alone, doing as little harm as possible to others while on our own journeys of self-discovery.

That is what I believe, at any rate. I hope you believe that you are just as free to find your own path to peace and enlightenment, and I wish you well on your journey.

Despairing over job search

I have been fighting the tendency to despair after looking for work for more than six months.
I never thought I'd be this long without gainful employment when I decided to move from South Georgia to South Louisiana last year in order to be closer to my sons and granddaughters. Despite good references and a college education, I have applied for more than sixty jobs, all in vain, and it is beginning to affect my self-esteem in addition to wiping out my bank account.
What do you do after you've done all you can?
Any advice welcome, and the "To Hire" sign is still out. I am a hard worker, diligent and honest and easily trained. I have a Bachelor of Science in Education/Special Education, a 3.42 overall GPA and more than twenty years experience in office settings. I can do accounts payable, receivable, bank accounts, payroll and am a professional writer and assistant managing editor.
Anyway, best of luck to all of you other people looking for work. Here's hoping for a better, more prosperous year for us all.
(Addendum, 2-7-12: I have been offered a part-time position at a local library, beginning March 1, so that is a GOOD thing. I haven't worked in a library since third grade in Anacortes, WA, at Fidalgo Elementary School, but I liked it then and am sure I will like it now. Just hope those 20 hours a week will soon be expanded to 40, but in the meantime, thank you, thank you, Angelle Deshautelles and Ascension Parish Library, for giving me a chance to work again! It means so much to me and mine, and I'll do my best for the library, always ... blp)

The power of unconditional love

When a reporter asked billionaire Warren Buffett this week what he thought was the best advice he had ever received, he said it came from his father, who taught him how to l ive. He explained that all parents can make "a better human being" as follows:

"The power of unconditional love. I mean, there is no power on earth like unconditional love. And I think that if you offered that to your child, I mean, you're 90 percent of the way home. There may be days when you don't feel like it- it's not uncritical love; that's a different animal- but to know you can always come back, that is huge in life. That takes you a long, long way. And I would say that every parent out there that can extend that to their child at an early age, it's going to make for a better human being."

I realize that the advice of a billionaire is not exactly like gospel, but it sure is gratifying when the advice of a human so neatly segues with the example set before us in the Bible. I think of the Apostle Paul speaking about no power on earth or in hell being able to separate us from the love of God, and Christ's disciple John saying that those who love are born of God and know God, for God is love. The only thing that used to comfort me during hard times was this sustaining belief, that somehow, in spite of my insignificance to other human beings, after all of the meanness and cruelty I may have suffered at the hands of men, yet my God loved me always, and would one day take me home to live with Him. And the key to all of that was living my life as my Lord would have me live, and not be swayed or dismayed by the flesh and the devils that attacked me. It took many years to find my way to this particular truth, because I always deemed myself unlovable because of the way my parents treated me and my siblings. But many years later, I can even learn to love and forgive even them, no matter the damage they did to us.

I finally learned about unconditional love through my children, more through them than anyone else, because they needed me. By loving them without being critical, loving them each just as they were without demanding obedience to my will first in order to gain my love, this made all of the difference. Conditional love was all I had ever known from earthly family, I had to "earn" every bit of affection I ever got, and it was rare that I was ever praised any way. More often than not, I and my siblings were brutalized, mocked and shamed, sometimes for no reason at all, except that we were there for that purpose, I guess. We had no rights, no recourse and no advocate; we were at the mercy of a type of madness, I think. I guess I'll never fully understand, but I must let it go and forgive.

As a result, I tried to be for my children all that my own parents had failed to be for me. So it goes that today I was deeply gratified to find that my instinctive belief in loving my children the way I believe God loves me is validated in the life of another human being, even a rich and famous one like Buffett. We are all of us only human, after all.

"Love one another as I have loved you," Christ said, and so I shall always endeavor to do, not only showing unconditional love for my children and my husband, but for all of humanity and for this beautiful earth, our home.

Lesley of the Lion's Heart

Lesley is my only daughter and was born premature, low birth weight (about 2 pounds), the first of the twins (her brother was born 30 minutes later) and both have a form of autism known as Asperger's Syndrome.

She is 16 years old now and the bravest soul I have ever met.

Lesley attends the local high school but will never get a regular diploma because she cannot do high school math. She will receive a life preparation diploma, I think, after she does her 12 years but her dreams, her hopes of a future life, extend far beyond the limits of our small Southern city.

Lesley wants to travel the world, beginning with the United States. She researches various areas of the country and reports all of the attractions and features to me, puts photos of different places on her computer desk top and asks me what I think of them. She talks of sailing around the world in a one-person sail boat (with a small motor in case of dead calms) and she wants to live alone, with perhaps a friendly dog for company.

Lesley also has a knack for writing. She has written several long stories of at least 12 chapters about the adventures of various brave animals or people from another dimension. Lesley loves the characters of Severus Snape and Sirius Black in the Harry Potter series, as well as Strider (Aragorn) in "Lord of the Rings." Not having grown up with a father (I divorced him many years ago for his cruelty and lack of support) she instead created an idealized one for herself out of parts of these heroic figures. Her only friends are the ones she makes up inside her head. She is lonely and cries about not having real-life friends, but I tell her to find friends, you must first be a friend, so we are working on her "people" skills, how to make eye contact and smile and say "hello" appropriately.

Lesley also has a penchant for science, both biological and chemical, and would like to bring alchemy back to the realm of viable scientific research if possible (I tell her it is not but, oh well.) Bottom line, her imagination is great and flexible and expands her world much farther than her actual education will allow.

My quest is to help enable Lesley to reach some of those distant stars to which her imagination and interests incline. I cannot bring fictional characters to life but I can show her how to create some of her own and perhaps turn it into real stories that can be read by others (currently, all versions get shredded before I can read them.)

Or perhaps I can help her get the GED and continue her education in some real scientific field, like animal science or botany. Whatever I can do to help her, she deserves the very best I can offer so she can one day do her best on her own.

Robert Browning once wrote, " A man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?" Subsititute "girl's" for "man's" and there is my little Lesley, my only daughter and always my little girl. May God give me the strength and wisdom to help my daughter reach whatever heaven she desires. No one deserves it more.

Coping with Asperger's in SW Georgia

My twins were born 16 years ago, just before I turned 40. Both babies were premature, and of low birth weight (I could hold my 2 pound daughter in the palm of my hand.) They stayed in the hospital one week after birth to enable their lungs to develop a bit more, and then I took them home. Both qualified for WIC as I was the only parent working to support them. I divorced their father before they turned three due to his violent behavior which threatened both me and the twins.
Both children exhibited developmental delays very early on, especially my daughter, who easily qualified for SSI by the time she was four due to speech problems. However, my son, her twin, did not qualify although his behavior was far more uncontrollable. The SSI psychiatrist (the one who worked for Social Security) misdiagnosed him as having juvenile bi-polar disorder (an almost unheard-of diagnosis). I had to pay for his medicines out-of-pocket for several years, as SSI does not cover bi-polar disorder.
Frustrated, I finally, I took him to a juvenile psychiatric specialist in Thomasville who correctly identified my son’s disorder as Asperger’s Syndrome, a high-functioning type of autism and she asked to see his twin. The minute my daughter walked into the office, the doctor said she exhibited even more symptoms of Asperger’s than my son did. Both children qualified for SSI after that.
Being qualified to receive SSI insurance and payments however, does not guarantee delivery of services to treat the disorder. Here in South Georgia, both twins were placed in special education courses, but because my son’s behavior was more violent and disruptive, he was placed in a separate classroom with behavior disordered children and was exposed to even more violent behaviors than even his disorder warranted. When he could no longer be contained in this classroom, he was moved to another school in the same area before being permanently moved to a school for behavior disordered children in a neighboring county. He was contained there for two and a half years and was supposed to be receiving home visits from “specialists” … we went through four such specialists who visited my son twice each in our home and never returned.
All the while that I was trying to get someone to educate my son- with poor to non-existent results – he was seeing a psychiatrist at the local government health clinic whose solution to my son’s behavior problems was to give him increasingly powerful anti-psychotic medications, some of which had fatal side effects if not monitored closely. When I realized, after about four years of these visits, (where I was not even allowed to ask the doctor questions, had even been told that he “did not have time to listen” to my concerns) I summarily removed my son from all medications as I feared they were doing more harm than good.
Over the last three years, since I removed my son from medications, he went through puberty and twice I involved local public safety to remove him from my home due to the nature of his threats … but I will never do so again as both times he was locked up in an institution in mid-Georgia where both times he was brutalized (beaten only, thank God) by more powerful and disturbed teenagers than himself. I have since kept my son home and he receives no schooling at all, but I cut a deal with the local Juvenile judge to home school my son and at least his is not in a public school system where he could hurt someone else.
I still have hopes that my son – who is now six feet two inches tall and weighs 250 pounds-, will outgrow some of his behaviors and indeed I can see where some progress has been made. But his whole world revolves around a 10 foot by 10 foot square bedroom where he has his computer, a TV and his video games. There is no contact with other children, he has no “off-line” friends and his education stopped more than a year ago when he flatly refused to do any of the assignments I gave him.
Still, I do not want m y son at the mercy of the “system” … I do not want his civil rights violated and I do not want him hurt. I feel I am doing my best to protect him from others and from himself, and I hope that one day I can find a place where he can go to day school, earn his GED and come home to me at night, perhaps learn to drive a car and get a little job to make some spending money.
My daughter is in high school now, but will never graduate as she cannot do math. I hope to get her into GED classes so she can get her driver’s license and perhaps get a job, as well. She has big dreams of moving out on her own and making enough money to travel but I will be glad if she can just get a local job and come home to me every day where I know she will be safe. She is far too trusting and I am afraid someone will hurt her or take advantage of her, although her social skills are a good bit better than her brother’s.
I know I will have to take care of my twins in some capacity for the rest of their lives, but sometimes it gets hard trying to be everything to them. I have had no help from the local school system for Dale, for sure, and there are no programs in this area of the state for children with autism. (The closest “school” is in Atlanta and yes, I could probably apply and let him go there, but he would be so far away I would not be able to see him or make sure he is OK.)
My next step will be to apply for help from the Vocational Rehab center in hopes that I can get some job training for the twins after they get GEDs, and maybe the center can help place them in jobs, as well. I only hope it will improve their quality of life and give them opportunities that the public education and health systems here never did.

More Snippets of Truth

Here are a few more snippets of truth to nourish the burgeoning skeptic within me:

"It is morally as bad not to care whether a thing is true or not, so long as it makes you feel good, as it is not to care how you got your money as long as you have got it." - Edwin Way Teale (1889-1980), Circle Of The Seasons, 1953

"Man, once surrendering his reason, has no remaining guard against absurdities the most monstrous, and like a ship without a rudder, is the sport of every wind. With such persons, gullibility, which they call faith, takes the helm of reason, and the mind becomes a wreck." - Thomas Jefferson

"Prove all things; hold fast that which is good." - 1 Thessalonians 5:21

"Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth, more than ruin, more even than death. Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid. Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man" - Bertrand Russell

"Sit down before fact like a little child, and be prepared to give up every preconceived notion, follow humbly wherever and to whatever abyss Nature leads, or you shall learn nothing." - T. H. Huxley

“Faith, as well-intentioned as it may be, must be built on facts, not fiction- faith in fiction is a damnable false hope.” Thomas A. Edison

“Let us accept truth, even when it alters us and changes our views.” George Eliot

"While spiritual insight or faith is one valid measure in spiritual matters, true spiritual insight never directly contradicts valid intellectual insight or facts in the physical world. Faith may go beyond reason, but does not go against it. It never blatantly contradicts the facts which we perceive with our God-given common sense. Faith and fact point in a single direction. When they do not, something is seriously wrong…A willingness to accept facts as they exist, and to learn to use them to test the views one holds rather than falling back on subjective experience or rationalizations, is the first step towards discovering genuine truth." (Charles Larson, By His Own Hand Upon Papyrus, pp. 177-178)

"A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows." - Mark Twain

"I am surer that my rational nature is from God, than that any book is an expression of his will." - William Ellery Channing

"Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth." - Ludwig Borne

"There's a difference between faith in an area where the evidence is lacking, and denial in an area where the evidence is copious but against you." -Baura

Link to an article from The Committee for Skeptical Inquiry site, Why Bad Beliefs Don't Die.

The Reward of Patience

The reward of patience is patience. (St. Francis of Assissi)

The first time I read that, it didn't make sense to me, but after some thought, I realized that having patience can be a very great gift and goes a long way in preserving one's sanity and hope.

Benjamin Franklin once said that "he (or she) who can have patience can have what he (she) will." It is true that we do not always get what we want in life but if we can be patient and continue to hope, sometimes good things really do come to those who wait.

Remember the character Tom Hanks played in "Castaway." He nearly gave up, even tried to kill himself after being stranded all alone on a desert island, sole survivor of a plane crash in the Pacific. But when the branch on which he was going to hang himself fell into the ocean below after he tried to test a weight on it, he resigned himself to life and, lo and behold, one day the tide brought a piece of vinyl, part of the plane that crashed, which he used as a sail on his log raft to get him over the reef and out into the open ocean where he was eventually found by a passing freighter. Don't give up hope because you never know what the tide will bring in, or, in other words, one day the tide will turn in your favor, or your ship will come in, or, like the man on the island, even a piece of wreckage from your past may turn out to be the very thing that saves you.

Samuel Johnson once said, "That which is formed for long duration arrives slowly to its maturity." Some things take a long time to develop or they may take a lot of self-preparation in order for us to be ready for the good things ahead ("I will study and prepare myself, and the opportunity will come" Abraham Lincoln, or "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going," said Beverly Sills.)

I realized I was making the same mistakes over and over again. The problem was not outside of me, but within me, so I decided to change the whole pattern of my existence. I still had my twins to raise and I had to work to take care of them and our house, but I also determined that I had to better myself. I attended college on grants and student loans, and finally got a decent, honorable job as a writer and then as a county employee. Best of all, I prepared myself for a special man by living a quiet and virtuous life alone with my children. I learned who I was and of what things I was capable, and I learned self-control and patience. I now have a good and kind man who loves me, who found me again after being apart from me for 37 years.

It is true good things come to those who wait, but also to those who are patient and pray for such blessings. Thank-you, God and Philip, for all the joy now in my life.

What Might Have Been

"I have spent my days, stringing and unstringing my instrument, while the song I came to sing remains unsung." (Tagore)

My sister, Becky, also named Susan Rebecca Parsons Neff, is dying of cancer. That is not the saddest part. Becky lived life her way, and it is not my place to say she should have done it otherwise. She made her choices, and soon she will be gone. She has three beautiful and good children who have given her nine grandchildren who love her, and she is married to a devoted friend and caregiver, Charlie Neff.
I dedicate this page to her and post words from one of America's most beloved poets in memory of all of our lost dreams.

MAUD MULLER
John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892)
Maud Muller, on a summer's day,
Raked the meadows sweet with hay.

Beneath her torn hat glowed the wealth
Of simple beauty and rustic health.

Singing, she wrought, and her merry glee
The mock-bird echoed from his tree.

But, when she glanced to the far-off town,
White from its hill-slope looking down,

The sweet song died, and a vague unrest
And a nameless longing filled her breast--

A wish, that she hardly dared to own,
For something better than she had known.

The Judge rode slowly down the lane,
Smoothing his horse's chestnut mane.

He drew his bridle in the shade
Of the apple-trees, to greet the maid,

And ask a draught from the spring that flowed
Through the meadow across the road.

She stooped where the cool spring bubbled up,
And filled for him her small tin cup,

And blushed as she gave it, looking down
On her feet so bare, and her tattered gown.

"Thanks!" said the Judge, "a sweeter draught
From a fairer hand was never quaffed."

He spoke of the grass and flowers and trees,
Of the singing birds and the humming bees;

Then talked of the haying, and wondered whether
The cloud in the west would bring foul weather.

And Maud forgot her briar-torn gown,
And her graceful ankles bare and brown;

And listened, while a pleasant surprise
Looked from her long-lashed hazel eyes.

At last, like one who for delay
Seeks a vain excuse, he rode away,

Maud Muller looked and sighed: "Ah, me!
That I the Judge's bride might be!

"He would dress me up in silks so fine,
And praise and toast me at his wine.

"My father should wear a broadcloth coat;
My brother should sail a painted boat.

"I'd dress my mother so grand and gay,
And the baby should have a new toy each day.

"And I'd feed the hungry and clothe the poor,
And all should bless me who left our door."

The Judge looked back as he climbed the hill,
And saw Maud Muller standing still.

"A form more fair, a face more sweet,
Ne'er hath it been my lot to meet.

"And her modest answer and graceful air
Show her wise and good as she is fair.

"Would she were mine, and I to-day,
Like her, a harvester of hay:

"No doubtful balance of rights and wrongs,
Nor weary lawyers with endless tongues,

"But low of cattle, and song of birds,
And health, and quiet, and loving words."

But he thought of his sisters, proud and cold,
And his mother, vain of her rank and gold.

So, closing his heart, the Judge rode on,
And Maud was left in the field alone.

But the lawyers smiled that afternoon,
When he hummed in court an old love-tune;

And the young girl mused beside the well,
Till the rain on the unraked clover fell.

He wedded a wife of richest dower,
Who lived for fashion, as he for power.

Yet oft, in his marble hearth's bright glow,
He watched a picture come and go:

And sweet Maud Muller's hazel eyes
Looked out in their innocent surprise.

Oft when the wine in his glass was red,
He longed for the wayside well instead;

And closed his eyes on his garnished rooms,
To dream of meadows and clover-blooms.

And the proud man sighed, with a secret pain,
"Ah, that I were free again!

"Free as when I rode that day,
Where the barefoot maiden raked her hay."

She wedded a man unlearned and poor,
And many children played round her door.

But care and sorrow, and child-birth pain,
Left their traces on heart and brain.

And oft, when the summer sun shone hot
On the new-mown hay in the meadow lot,

And she heard the little spring brook fall
Over the roadside, through the wall,

In the shade of the apple-tree again
She saw a rider draw his rein,

And, gazing down with timid grace,
She felt his pleased eyes read her face.

Sometimes her narrow kitchen walls
Stretched away into stately halls;

The weary wheel to a spinnet turned,
The tallow candle an astral burned;

And for him who sat by the chimney lug,
Dozing and grumbling o'er pipe and mug,

A manly form at her side she saw,
And joy was duty and love was law.

Then she took up her burden of life again,
Saying only, "It might have been."

Alas for maiden, alas for Judge,
For rich repiner and household drudge!

God pity them both! and pity us all,
Who vainly the dreams of youth recall;

For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"

Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies
Deeply buried from human eyes;

And, in the hereafter, angels may
Roll the stone from its grave away!


Postscript: Becky has been gone for more than two years now. I miss her and will always remember the beautiful, vibrant and strong girl of our youth. We were only 11 months apart in age, I was the oldest, but we were as different as two sisters could be in many ways.
In spite of that, she was my good friend and we helped each other during different difficult times in our lives. I pray she is at peace now and forever, and that her beloved husband, Charlie, who died a year after she passed away, is with her, too. I love you, little sister.
"God be with you 'til we meet again."

For Which I Am Grateful

I have spent too much of my life not saying "thanks" when I should have, or complaining about things that don't matter. So before I die, or get too busy doing something else, I want to list a few of those things for which I am grateful.

I am grateful I was born in the United States of America, the freest nation on earth, on Luke Air Force Base in Arizona, although I have never been to the Grand Canyon (pictured here) yet. I am grateful that there is still a chance I may get to go there one day with my beloved Philip. (And for his love and presence in my life, I am so very thankful!)

I am grateful for the sacrifice of our nation 's armed forces and their diligence in preserving my freedom. I am grateful for the education I received in this country, for both my high school and college degrees, for my teachers and professors who labored to instill in me a diverse and extensive knowledge base, and for the opportunity to work for my living and to those who employed me and gave me a chance. I am grateful for my home, my family and my city and county officials and the many conveniences I enjoy living here.

I am grateful for my life, even for all of the things that went wrong, because I finally got rid of all the bad things that made me strong ('tho' some came near to killing me.) Even more, I am glad for all of the good things that are still a part of me ... including my four children and two grandchildren, my sisters and their families, my mom, my friends and all of those no longer with us, especially my grandma Susie Beck, and even for my dad, although he was not so kind to me for most of my life.

I am thankful for this earth and all that there is to look at, enjoy and cherish ... waterfalls and rainbows, spring showers and lilacs, starry skies and sunsets, among many other things. I am grateful for the oceans and mountains and the great forests and deserts. I am grateful for this body and its senses ... taste, touch, sight, hearing and smell, and for emotions and laughter, tears and song.

I am grateful for my job and the people I meet everyday, the smiling salesperson, the kind co-worker, the dedicated people who take time to make this world better for everyone. I am truly grateful for authors, actors and musicians, composers, photographers, painters and sculptors, poets and essayists and anyone else who takes time to express themselves in ways that enrich and ennoble the lives of others.

I am grateful for all of the modern technology that makes my life so much more pleasurable, including hot water, electricity, combustion engines and T.V., radio and the Internet. Especially I am grateful for medical advances that have saved so many lives (including my own) and for all of those who spend countless hours in laboratories, universities and elsewhere researching, testing and promulgating new theories and technologies.

I am grateful that God created mankind and this beautiful blue planet. I am grateful to be alive and still learning, still growing intellectually and spiritually ... and so of course I am deeply indebted to all the philosophers, prophets and great thinkers that have gone before, for sharing their wisdom with me and helping me understand what this life is supposed to mean.

Above all, I am grateful there is a God ... as Blaise Pascal once said, "Instead of complaining that God has hidden himself, you will give him thanks for revealing himself as much as he has, and you will thank him for not revealing himself to wise men full of pride and unworthy of knowing so holy a God." (Pensees 394)

Finally, a big thanks to all who have made my life more interesting and/or have taught me to be a better person, whether they meant to or not. Thank-you for listening/reading, too.