It gave me a sense of hope even when I was little, sitting in the back seat of our brown '57 Bel Air, smelling my dad's Old Gold cigarette smoke and listening to him sing Hank Williams songs.
There was very little light in my life back then, but I looked for the rays of light every chance I got and imagined myself being lifted through the clouds one day, riding a beam of golden sun back to the source from whence I came, away from the blackness and horror of my childhood.
As an adult, I left my childish fancies behind for many years, losing my faith in any kind of god or religion. I came to believe that all religion was man made and therefore flawed, and I still believe that is true. Everything mankind touches and messes with becomes corrupted as it is reformed in the imagine of fallen men and broken women, and I had had enough of that forever.
Then I began reading new research in quantum physics and discovered that everything we expected of God, all of the potential for miracles and an afterlife, already resides within us: we create our realities and shape our own destinies simply by the way in which we view and develop our lives.
In his book, "Sole Survivor", I think Dean Koontz sums it up best on the last page when he wrote, "he understood that eternal life was not an article of faith but a law of the universe as true as any law of physics. The universe is an efficient creation: matter becomes energy, energy becomes matter; one form of energy is converted into another form; the balance is forever changing, but the universe is a closed system from which no particle of matter or wave of energy is ever lost ... The human mind and spirit, at their noblest, can transform the material world for the better; we can even transform the human condition ... Only the human spirit can act with volition and consciously change itself; it is the only thing in all creation that is not entirely at the mercy of forces outside itself, and it is, therefore, the most powerful and valuable form of energy in the universe. For a time, the spirit may become flesh, but when that phase of its existence is at an end, it will be transformed into a disembodied spirit once more."
Ultimately, Koontz noted, we are all shining lights.
So, on second consideration of what I used to call "God's Fingers," I now think those bright shafts of light may be the guiding lights of people who have gone before us, souls touching briefly again the earth they once called home, and giving us all a glimpse into the brighter existence for which we all may hope.
I hope a can be a light for others as I live, as well, a kindly and glowing candle that shines through good works and genuine concern for others. I have not felt this hopeful in a long time, but I finally begin to understand that God is not a fearful judge waiting to throw me into hell for not following "rules" of some organized religion. The God I believe in does not count how much tithing you have paid, he does not keep a record of how many Sundays you sat in a church, nor does he care where you live, what color you are, how much money you make or how many times you've been married.
Rather, God is a force within each of us, an energy waiting to be released, making us truly the masters of our own fates, captains of our individual destinies, no matter what happens all around us.
That is what I believe for now, at any rate. I will keep looking for the lights that shine hopefully through life's storms, and will hold out my own little light to those I meet along the way.
See you in the sunbeams!
