I've been feeling "swamped" lately, overwhelmed by life and all of its emotionally charged turmoil, and it's not just because of all the "swamp" -related shows being filmed around and about here in South Louisiana.
To begin with, I am in media-sensory-overload what with the fallout from the George Zimmerman trial, Detroit going bankrupt, alleged government cover-ups, mismanagement of public funds, the plight of Israel, and wondering how much of my personal data contributed to the downfall of the America in which I was raised.
I am firmly convinced that my Eisenhower baby-flavored version of the good ol' USA is in a downward spiral and soon will be gone, as surely as if it, too, were sinking in some vast quagmire, returning to its primordial state, a land without man, machine or media. I have dreamt of this nightmare landscape, a deadly quiet, misty, gray place where unknown danger surrounds and paralyzes me, and I don't want to go to that place in real time.
I have gotten the impression that our current president truly dislikes the majority of US citizens, or worse, he truly does not care about most of us. Mr. Obama was a popular-vote president, a historic first for America, being half-black, and even though I did not vote for him, I hoped he would not be vindictive and/or belligerent. Alas, I hoped in vain. He is contributing to the vicious blame game and racial unrest without a thought to the consequences of his inflammatory rhetoric, so shame on him for not being a wise leader.
Aside from politics, I am sad for the family of Trayvon Martin. I was not there the night he died, nor was I in the courtroom for George Zimmerman's trial. But I have three sons of my own, and no mother wants to have to bury her baby.
On the other hand, I have served on a jury before and I trust that the jury members did their best and came to the correct verdict: it was not second degree murder as there was no malicious intent to kill in this tragic case, only a lack of communication that led to a very sad ending; a badly scared man, in a flurry of fear and pain, used the weapon of last resort on a young man, thereby ending that young man's life. Zimmerman has to live with that fact for the rest of his life. He will be targeted by disgruntled people who want to see him punished, so his life is pretty much ruined from henceforth anyway. There were no winners in this matter; everyone lost something.
As my health begins to fail, I find it ever harder to remain hopeful. I wish I knew how to make everything okay for everyone, but I don't have the answers, the cure for all ills, social or physical. I can barely afford to pay most of my bills, cannot afford to go to the doctor as often as I need, and I need to do more for the two children I have left at home, make their future more secure. There is too much to do and little energy or means to do it.
We all have problems, some worse than others, but it seems to me the best thing we can do now is take care of our own business; don't try to run the lives of others, don't fight others' battles. We are all a little overloaded in these trying times, and I sincerely hope all will be well for everyone. I grieve over the bad choices I made in the past, but am trying to do better now. Things could be worse, and probably will get a lot worse in my lifetime, but I still cannot abandon my duties nor run from my responsibilities. Whatever is wrong with me I alone can make right, and so I will keep trying to do better tomorrow than I did today.
My heart is broken, and my spirit is contrite. Keep your heads above water, don't let life drag you into bad actions against your neighbor or your fellow citizens. We did not kill that young man in Florida, and we should not be punished for a crime we all wish had not occurred. Fighting each other is not the solution. May God comfort the grieving; may the peace of Christ be as the balm of Gilead to the hurting soul of this nation and its people.
God have mercy on us all.
