Isaiah the Prophet

My favorite Old Testament Prophet is Isaiah, who not only spoke to Israelites living 600 years before Christ was born, but prophesized about the last days as well.

He said, "Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil;

learn to do well; seek judgement, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land:

But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it." (Isaiah 1:16-20)

One of Isaiah's greatest gifts was his ability to write in such a way that I can actually hear the Lord speaking through him, as in, "I, even I , am he that comforteth you: who art thou, that thou shouldst be afraid of a man that shall die, and of the son of man which shall be made as grass;

And forgettest the Lord thy maker, that hath stretched forth the heavens, and laid the foundations of the earth? (Isaiah 51:12-13) And his ability to comfort me, as follows, "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation." (Isaiah 12:2)

Perhaps Isaiah's greatest verses, however, are those that speak of the coming Messiah, as in "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace." (Isaiah 9:6)

But in Chapter 53, Isaiah clearly describes what the Messiah's life will be like before he returns to rule the earth, and it is called the forbidden chapter by much of Israel because it depicts a much different Savior than the one Israel expected. The pathos and poetic writing style make this, to me, the greatest of Isaiah's prophecies.

Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed?

For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised,and we esteemed him not.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted: yet he opened not his mouth; he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.

He was taken from prison and from judgement: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.

And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.

Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.

Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

To paraphrase the Lord himself, he who hath ears to hear, listen; and eyes to see, look.

Points to Ponder

In my collection of sayings, I came across the following excerpts I copied from an old Reader's Digest section called "Points to Ponder." Everyone of these were so good, I have kept them for years and have tried to incorporate their wisdom into my own life.

Lair Ribeiro: The secret to success on the job is to work as though you were working for yourself. Your company provides you with the work area, equipment and other benefits, but basically you know what has to get done and the best way to do it, so it's up to you to run your own show. -Success Is No Accident (St. Martin's Press)

David Owen: The popularity of video cameras arises from a simple misunderstanding. Somehow people have the idea that they won't mind being old if they can turn on the TV and see what they were like when they were young. This is not true.

The best memories are ones that have been allowed to evolve unhindered by documentary proof. I often cheer myself up by thinking back on my days as a football star.

These recollections would be less thrilling if they were accompanied by a video showing that I weighed 80 pounds and spent most of my time on the bench. Memory is better than a video because it's free and it doesn't work very well. -Atlantic Monthly

Gil Lahav: There are two ways to find something that is lost: by accident, or by swearing, grunting and tearing the house apart. Although far more time-consuming, the second method is much more satisfying. Searching long and hard for something creates a restless suspense, a tension that is wonderfully relieved when the lost item is finally found. Finding a lost object in this manner strengthens the belief that we are in control of our lives. -Ability

Dale Turner: The story is told of five men sitting around a potbellied stove, arguing about which is the "right" religion-which offers the greatest assurance of salvation. It was a fruitless discussion because no one could agree. Finally they turned to a wise old fellow who had been sitting in the corner, listening.

"Gentlemen," he said, "when the cotton is picked, there are several ways to get it to the gin. We can take the northern route-it's longer but the road is better. Or we can take the southern route, which is shorter but filled with chuckholes. Or we can go over the mountain, even though it's more perilous. When we reach the gin, though, the man doesn't ask which way we came. He simply asks, 'Brother, how good is your cotton?'"-Grateful Living (High Tide Press)

Barbara De Angelis: Something in our human nature longs for that experience of complete emotional absorption, that magical moment when we are swept away. It is passion that entertains us. When a book is written without passion, you lose interest. When a team plays without passion, the game becomes boring. "These guys are asleep," a fan complains.

To feed this appetite, we reward those who can stir our emotions to the greatest heights-actors, athletes and rock musicians make millions because they know how to turn on our passion.-Passion (Delacorte)

Elaine St. James: No one can maintain more than three priorities. If you have a job you care about, that's a priority. If you have a family, that's a priority. Which leaves one more. Maybe it's staying in shape, maybe it's volunteering at your church.

Most people understand this intuitively. But they keep overcommitting themselves and overcomplicating their lives. So my advice is simple: figure out what your priorities are, and say no to everything else.-Quoted by Michael Warshaw in Fast Company

John L. Mason: One of the best ways to persuade others is to listen to them. You'll find that a gossip talks to you about others, a bore talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist talks to you about yourself and then listens to your reply.-Let Go of Whatever Makes You Stop (Insight International)

The Seven da Vincian Principles

Dr. Sigmund Freud once said of Leonardo da Vinci that, "We respect him by learning from him."
Buzan and Keene's book, "The Book of Geniuses," lists da Vinci as number one in their list of "top 10 geniuses of all time" among men, whose categories of achievement or endeavor include originality, versatility, dominance-in-field, universality of vision, strength and energy. The other nine were as follows: 2) William Shakespeare, 3) The Great Pyramid builders, 4) Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 5) Michelangelo, 6) Sir Isaac Newton, 7) Thomas Jefferson, 8) Alexander the Great, 9) Phidias, architect of Athens, and 10) Albert Einstein.
Per Howard Gardner's "Frames of Mind," there are seven measurable intelligences: Logical/mathematical; verbal/linguistic; spatial/mechanical; musical; bodily/kinesthetic; interpersonal/social; and intrapersonal/self-knowledge. Da Vinci excelled or did very well in all of these areas.
Da Vinci also believed in strict mental and physical discipline and encouraged his adherents to adopt the same lifestyle of devotion to perfecting one's life and one's craft, while allowing for very few excesses, distractions or indulgences. He once said, "You will never have a greater or lesser dominion than that over yourself ... the height of a man's success is gauged by his self-mastery; the depth of his failure by his self-abandonment ... And this law is the expression of eternal justice. He who cannot establish dominion over himself will have no dominion over others."
From the book "How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci" by Michael J. Gelb come the following seven da Vincian principles:
Curiosita: An insatiably curious approach to life and an unrelenting quest for continuous learning.
Dimostrazione: A commitment to test knowledge through experience, persistence and a willingness to learn from mistakes.
Sensazione: The continual refinement of the senses, especially sight, as the means to enliven experience.
Sfumato: (Literally, "going up in smoke") - A willingness to embrace ambiguity, paradox and uncertainty.
Arte/scienza: The development of the balance between science and art, logic and imagination; "whole brain" thinking.
Corporalita: The culitivation of grace, ambidexterity, fitness and poise.
Connessione: A recognition of, and appreciation for, the inteconnectedness of all things and phenomena; systems thinking.
Da Vinci said, "The desire to know is natural to good men," and I hasten to add here, it is natural for good women, too.

Charisma, Love & Success

What is charisma? My New Oxford American Dictionary defines it as "compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others."
From the book "Awaiting a Lover" in 2000, charisma is described as "a magnetic presence characterized by poise and a quality of wholeness. The radiance of a charismatic person emanates from a strong inner fire, mysteriously self-contained, by which one senses a devotion to creative exploration that owes nothing to the need to impress others. It is the individual's absorption in what attracts him or her that endows them with an aura of unselfconscious-attractiveness. There is an air of intensity that is felt by others as erotic and slightly dangerous. In fact, what is sensed is a love of life, which carries an extra electrical charge."
By that definition, it seems that the best way to attract interest, then, is to lose yourself in pursuit of your life, that is, to become so involved in what interests you that you do not worry about who is watching or what they think. This reaffirms the idea that confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac. But there are other benefits as well.
Dr. Viktor Frankl said, "Success, like happiness, cannot be pursued. It must ensue. And it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself."
When we focus on what is important and strive to do our best, good things come to us. Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
And Horace Mann, the great educator, said, "In vain do they talk of happiness who never subdued an impulse in obedience to a principle. He who never sacrificed a present to a future good, or a personal to a general one, can speak of happiness only as the blind speak of color."
Lucius Annaeus Seneca said, "It is within the power of every man to live his life nobly, but of no man to live forever. Yet so many of us hope that life will go on forever, and so few aspire to live nobly." Abraham Lincoln made the same observation when he plainly said, "When I do good, I feel good; when I don't do good, I don't feel good."
The Chinese stress the importance of inhibition in matters of the heart, according to "Awaiting a Lover." They speak of receptivity and not pursuit, drawing someone to you instead of hunting them down. Attracting a lover requires the wisdom to know when to hold back, when to pursue. But the holding back is the most effective, most of the time. The decision to woo, or court, must arise in the heart. The quiet power that will encourage someone to approach grows naturally from this source, when the heart is constant and the motive is good."
So, keep in mind that "knowing what you want is the first step in drawing it toward you," and remember, too, that once you have attracted the right person, to do as Charlotte Yonge wisely counseled: "The mistake we make is when we seek to be loved, instead of loving. What makes us cowardly is fear of losing that love."
"It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things," said Henry David Thoreau. Tend to your life, tend to the business of living it well, and be patient. Love, or at the very least, peace of mind and a satisfied soul, will be yours.

How Do I Love Thee?

I post here three of my favorite poems and dedicate this entry to my Philip, the love of my life ...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life!-and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

(Sonnet XLIII, Sonnets from the Portugese, by Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be;

The last of life, for which the first was made;

Our times are in his hands who saith,

"A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God: See all,

nor be afraid!"

(From "Rabbi Ben Ezra," by Robert Browning, Elizabeth Barrett Browning's husband)

Two such as you with such a master speed

Cannot be parted nor be swept away

From one another once you are agreed

That life is only life forevermore

Together wing to wing and oar to oar.

(Robert Frost)

I heartily agree with Charles Morgan when he said, "There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved; it is God's finger on man's shoulder." Thank-you for finding me again after all these years, PB, and surprising me with your love!

Man's Search For Meaning

We have come to know Man as he really is. After all, man is that being who invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz; however, he is also that being who entered those gas chambers upright, with the Lord’s Prayer or the Shema Yisrael on his lips. (Dr. Viktor Frankl)

In the forward to Dr. Viktor Frankl’s bestseller, Man’s Search For Meaning, Rabbi Harold S. Kushner writes, “Life is not primarily a quest for pleasure, as (Dr. Sigmund) Freud believed, or a quest for power, as (Dr.) Alfred Adler taught, but a quest for meaning. The greatest task for any person is to find meaning in his or her life. Frankl saw three possible sources for meaning: in work (doing something significant), in love (caring for another person), and in courage during difficult times. Suffering, in and of itself is meaningless; we give our suffering meaning by the way in which we respond to it. Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you.”
Frankl survived Auschwitz but lost his entire family in the concentration camps. Despite suffering deprivations and conditions that most of us cannot imagine, he believed that the salvation of man was “through love and in love” and refused to let his extreme circumstances change his hopeful outlook and demeanor. In his book, he quotes Friedrich Nietzsche: “Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich starker.” (That which does not kill me, makes me stronger) and “He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear almost any ‘how’.”
Frankl said it does not matter what we expect from life, but rather what life expects from us. He suggested that we stop asking the “meaning” of life and instead think of ourselves as those being “questioned by life.” “Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and right conduct,” he said.
Frankl said that at any moment, man must decide, for better or worse, what will be the monument of his existence, and he then gives us a method by which we can consistently make good choices for ourselves, which he calls “the essence of existence”: “Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now. It seems to me that there is nothing which would stimulate a man’s sense of responsibleness more than this maxim, which invites him to imagine first that the present is past and, second, that the past may yet be changed and amended. Such a precept confronts him with life’s finiteness as well as the finality of what he makes out of both his life and himself.”
Finally, Frankl says, “No one has the right to do wrong, not even if wrong has been done to them … The crowning experience of all for the homecoming man (i.e., the former prisoner in concentration camps) is the wonderful feeling that, after all he has suffered, there is nothing he need fear anymore – except his God.
“I called to the Lord from my narrow prison and He answered me in the freedom of space."

Et lux in tenebris lucet ... (and the light shineth in the darkness.)

Pascal's Wager

"Scio cui credidi" (I know whom I have believed) was the motto of 17th century French inventor, religious philosopher, mathematician and physicist Blaise Pascal. Pascal only lived to be 39 years old but in his short life, he puzzled over and commented on some of the greatest mysteries of life.

One of his most important contributions to religious philosophy was his "Pensees," a collection of notes and observations about reason, uncertainty and humanity's relationship to God.

"For after all," Pascal wrote, "what is man in nature? A nothing in relation to infinity, all in relation to nothing, a central point between nothing and all, and infinitely far from understanding either. The ends of things and their beginnings are impregnably concealed from him in an impenetrable secret. He is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness out of which he was drawn and the infinite in which he is engulfed."

From this dilemma, Pascal devised the "Wager," built on the Pensees' theme wherein Pascal systematically dismantles the notion that we can trust reason, especially in the area of religion, as follows:

Uncertainty in all- "This is what I see, and what troubles me. I look on all sides, and everywhere I see nothing but obscurity. Nature offers me nothing that is not a matter of doubt and disquiet."

Uncertainty in reason-"Nothing is so comfortable to reason as to disavow reason."

Uncertainty in science-"There no doubt exist natural laws, but once this fine reason of ours was corrupted, it corrupted everything."

Uncertainty in religion- "If I saw no signs of a divinity, I would fix myself in denial. If I saw everywhere the marks of a Creator, I would repose peacefully in faith. But seeing too much to deny Him, and too little to assure me, I am in a pitiful state, and I would wish a hundred times that if a God sustains nature it would reveal Him without ambiguity. We understand nothing of the works of God unless we take it as a principle that He wishes to blind some and to enlighten others."

Even uncertainty in skepticism- "It is not certain that everything is uncertain."

Having thus shredded the trees of certainty, Pascal then asks the reader to analyze our position. If reason is truly corrupt and cannot be relied upon to decide the matter of God's existence, we are left with a coin toss. In Pascal's assessment, placing a wager is unavoidable, and anyone who is on the fence like he is, incapable of trusting any evidence either for or against God's existence, must at least face the prospect that infinite happiness is at risk. The "infinite" expected value of believing is always greater than the expected value of not believing (i.e., it is a better "bet" to believe in God than not to do so.)

The wager also entails obeying God's commandments and living a Christian life in every respect to ensure that one has done all that he or she can do to earn eternal life; after all one can do, faith in Jesus Christ is the ultimate commitment one makes in placing the wager to believe. So, even if it turns out that there is nothing after death, then, one has lived a good, moral life and can leave this life with no regrets or misgivings.

As far as I am concerned, Pascal's Wager is the best alternative to joining a church. At the very least, I can study the Bible, be kind and helpful to others, and choose to live a Christian lifestyle. For now, that will have to do.

A "Holy Curiosity"

"One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity." Albert Einstein

It seems to be an earmark of great thinkers to possess what Dr. Einstein calls "a holy curiosity." Leonardo da Vinci includes "curiosita" as one of his seven principles, which Italian word describes an "insatiably curious approach to life and an unrelenting quest for continuous learning." He also said, "The desire to know is natural to good men. For in truth, great love is born of great knowledge of the thing loved."

Henry Ford noted another good reason to keep learning when he said, "Anyone who stops is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young." By this remark, he was agreeing with Aristotle's observation that "education is the best provision for old age." In addition, Aristotle noted that "the difference between an educated and an uneducated man is the same difference as between being alive and being dead."

Ralph Waldo Emerson also encouraged continuous learning and searching for truth when he said, "He who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind."

Long before I started collecting all of these sayings I was a great believer in continuing education. I always wanted to know the "why" of everything and this, combined with my love of writing, is probably what drove me to work for the local newspaper, where I eventually won an award for investigative reporting. Go figure! Anyway, the search for knowledge and truth continues in my life and will until the day I die, I hope. I fully believe, as William Jennings Bryan once said, that "destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."

I used to believe, erroneously, that there was some sort of magical behavior I had to perform in order to gain favor with God and receive any blessings. The dictatorial stance of the Mormon church made me feel that I had no control over my life to a large extent, and that any time something bad happened to me, it was because I had failed to do exactly what I was told to do by the leadership in that church. Magical thinking is at the root of a lot of misplaced belief systems which encourage people to believe that blind obedience to the male priesthood, sublimation of all original thought, and a rigid pattern of correct behavior will win them favor with the Almighty.

I know better than that now although, for most of my life, I thought the church alone had all of the answers, and all I had to do was follow orders and I would be worthy for the "Celestial Kingdom." Ultimately, I began thinking for myself again as I came to the realization, as John Wooden noted, that "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."

So now I am back to the basics and will keep in mind what Micah 6:8 advises: He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? I will remember what Emerson said, too, that "every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him." I will be humble, non-critical of others, and will try to remember that my "ears aren't made to shut but my mouth is" as I travel through what is left of my time here.

In closing, here are some of the things I have learned, in a piece written by an unknown author but still rings true to my life, called "Life's Lessons":

"After a while, you learn the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that love isn't leaning but lending support. You begin to accept your defeats with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You decide to build your roads on today, for tomorrow's ground is too uncertain. You help someone plant a garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. You learn that God has given you the strength to endure and that you really do have worth."

Searching For Truth

"From the cowardice that shrinks from new truth, from the laziness that is content with half-truth, from the arrogance that thinks it has all truth ... O God of Truth, deliver us."

True-believing Mormons, which I once was, fall into all three of the categories mentioned above. Fortunately, I came to my senses after 25 years of ex-communication (at my own request) and a lifetime of trying to keep impossible standards (is perfection tough enough to reach?) I cannot stess enough to anyone who may be investigating this religion (i.e., the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) to "just say no" to this church and its representatives. Please visit one of the many Web sites sponsored by former Mormons, most of whom are far more knowledgable than myself. You will find a wealth of truth on the Web about this false religion and, trust me when I say, you are better off worshipping God at home on your knees and reading the good old King James version of the Bible than you'll ever be trying to live Joseph Smith's warped version of the gospel of Jesus Christ. What Gerald Massey said rings especially true as it so succintly describes the general relationship of members to the LDS leadership: "They must find it difficult ... Those who have taken authority as the truth, rather than truth as the authority."

Keep in mind, too, what Thomas Edison had to say about putting your faith in things that are not true. "Faith, as well intentioned as it may be, must be built on facts, not fiction - faith in fiction is a damnable false hope." Check out Utah Lighthouse Ministry's Web site, that is run by Sandra Tanner, a direct descendent of a previous prophet of the Mormon church. At the very least, please look before you leap!

Anyway, after spending most of my life trying to keep impossible and often ridiculous Mormon standards, I turned to the wisdom of the world, that is, I kept a record of the sayings of some of our greatest leaders, inspirational writers and poets. I started my collection long before I left the church, but have leaned on it more frequently since I cut all ties with Mormons. I found the following jewel and memorized it as I began my search for truth:

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield, but to my own strength.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved, but hope for the patience to win my freedom.
Grant me that I may not be a coward, feeling your mercy in my success alone, but let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.
(Rabindranath Tagore, "Fruit Gathering")

To get ready for my truth quest, I had to streamline my life, clear out a lot of the extracurricular stuff that was distracting and frustrating me. I took Anne Morrow Lindbergh's advice again when she wrote about "zerrissenheit," a German word William James used to for "torn-to-pieces-hood" by way of describing fragmentation of our lives by too many centrifugal activities. Lindbergh said, "We need time for self to renew our individual goals, define our needs, remove superfluous people, things, activities, from our lives and replace them with those things that matter most and need us most."

As Charles Haddon Spurgeon once suggested, "Learn to say 'no' - it will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin."

A lot of people did not like it when I stopped being a door mat and started saying "no" to almost everything that did not directly concern my children, my job or my studies. I learned to set priorities and stay on task until the task was done, and discovered that I could actually excel at a few things rather than barely complete many things as was my habit in the past. As Ralph Waldo Emerson noted, "The crime which bankrupts men and nations is that of turning aside from one's main purpose to serve a job here and there."

As part of the process of letting go of "superfluous" people, I had to keep in mind the following: "Being hypersensitive to the opinions others have of us puts us into the false position of making their approval our court of appeals instead of our own conscious and self-respect," as noted by William George Jordan. This is especially true when it is your own parents or other family members trying to get you to "change back" just when you are learning to think for yourself.

Because that is the real damage done by the Mormon church and its adherents: You are told how to think, act, feel and be. There is no individuality or originality or free thinking allowed. Every aspect of a member's life is scrutinized, including what goes on behind closed doors, and even 10 percent of their gross income belongs to the church if you want to keep full membership. As Abraham Lincoln once noted, however, "Force is all conquering but its victories are short-lived." As the Lord promised, if we know the truth, it will make us free ... not subservient as the LDS church dictates. If the church were true, it would encourage individual truth-seeking, but it does not. It is their way or the highway ... total obedience or nothing.

I choose my freedom, and agree with George Sand's saying, "Let us accept truth, even when it surprises us and alters our views."

Love Is All There Is

Emily Dickinson wrote, "All we know of love, Is love is all there is," long before The Beatles sang "All you need is love," but nearly two millenia after Jesus Christ commanded us to "love one another."

But regardless of who said it first or when, the bottom line is love is a truth that transcends the ages and lifts us outside of ourselves. Like the Rogers and Hammerstein line about "a bell's not a bell 'til you ring it; a song's not a song 'til you sing ... and love wasn't put in your heart to stay; love isn't love 'til you give it away," the most desirable form of love is that which we share or give to another person, especially romantic love.

To prepare myself for "the love of my life," I spent the last 10 years alone, quietly raising my twins and eschewed any entanglements of any nature because I did not know what love really was supposed to be. When one has failed at a few marriages, it just seems the wisest course of action is to take a nice long break and concentrate on the business at hand, which for me was raising the twins, finishing my college degree and becoming gainfully employed.

In the interim, I studied all I could lay my hands on about the nature of love and how one goes about recognizing it. I also steeled myself with the possibility of never finding it, and learned to live with that thought without too much self-pity. In a little book called, "Awaiting a Lover" from 2000, I read about "The Tao of Love" which went as follows: Learn how to wait ... do not run in every direction trying to find love. When you do this, you disperse your energy. To locate you becomes impossible. You must stay in one place. If you cannot become quiet, you will not be receptive. If you are not receptive, you will not recognize the person even if he is right in front of you."

In a Reader's Digest article called "From the Heart" I read New York Times' columnist Lois Smith Brady's "Love Lessons" response to people asking where to find love. She told about a job interview early in her career when an editor gave her some advice. "Go out into the world. Work hard at what you love to do-writing. If you become good, we will find you. It may take years. But if your work stands out, we will call you." Said Brady: "That's what I tell people looking for love. Don't read articles about how to trap a mate. Don't worry about your lipstick or your height. Just live your life well and don't mope, complain or shop too much. Love will find you."

I read that "Almost everything you desire is at its heart a longing for love," and that "Knowing what you want is the first step in drawing it toward you." Best of all, I had Rainer Maria Rilke to comfort me with," For believe me, the more one is, the richer is all that one experiences. And whoever wants to have a deep love in his life must collect and save for it and gather honey."

I learned to not discuss myself, whether it be to belittle myself or praise myself, and that I had to give up the life I had planned to find the one that was waiting for me. I learned from Ann Landers, even, that "The most durable love relationships grow out of friendship. In fact, love is friendship that has caught fire." I learned that "the heart that loves is always young" and that what I thought of myself was more important than what others thought of me (Seneca.) I learned that the reward of patience is patience from St. Francis of Assisi, and that "Love is of God; and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."

Anne Morrow Lindbergh taught me that "woman must come of age by herself-she must find her true center alone." As I waited, I worked as well. I learned to forgive myself my failings and to be merciful to others, and especially to my children. And while Mother Teresa noted that loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the greatest poverty, I took hope from Henry Ford who noted that "Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" and that "Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement." And I began to believe that all good things come to those who wait ... it finally did for me! (more on that later ..)