Love Is All There Is

Emily Dickinson wrote, "All we know of love, Is love is all there is," long before The Beatles sang "All you need is love," but nearly two millenia after Jesus Christ commanded us to "love one another."

But regardless of who said it first or when, the bottom line is love is a truth that transcends the ages and lifts us outside of ourselves. Like the Rogers and Hammerstein line about "a bell's not a bell 'til you ring it; a song's not a song 'til you sing ... and love wasn't put in your heart to stay; love isn't love 'til you give it away," the most desirable form of love is that which we share or give to another person, especially romantic love.

To prepare myself for "the love of my life," I spent the last 10 years alone, quietly raising my twins and eschewed any entanglements of any nature because I did not know what love really was supposed to be. When one has failed at a few marriages, it just seems the wisest course of action is to take a nice long break and concentrate on the business at hand, which for me was raising the twins, finishing my college degree and becoming gainfully employed.

In the interim, I studied all I could lay my hands on about the nature of love and how one goes about recognizing it. I also steeled myself with the possibility of never finding it, and learned to live with that thought without too much self-pity. In a little book called, "Awaiting a Lover" from 2000, I read about "The Tao of Love" which went as follows: Learn how to wait ... do not run in every direction trying to find love. When you do this, you disperse your energy. To locate you becomes impossible. You must stay in one place. If you cannot become quiet, you will not be receptive. If you are not receptive, you will not recognize the person even if he is right in front of you."

In a Reader's Digest article called "From the Heart" I read New York Times' columnist Lois Smith Brady's "Love Lessons" response to people asking where to find love. She told about a job interview early in her career when an editor gave her some advice. "Go out into the world. Work hard at what you love to do-writing. If you become good, we will find you. It may take years. But if your work stands out, we will call you." Said Brady: "That's what I tell people looking for love. Don't read articles about how to trap a mate. Don't worry about your lipstick or your height. Just live your life well and don't mope, complain or shop too much. Love will find you."

I read that "Almost everything you desire is at its heart a longing for love," and that "Knowing what you want is the first step in drawing it toward you." Best of all, I had Rainer Maria Rilke to comfort me with," For believe me, the more one is, the richer is all that one experiences. And whoever wants to have a deep love in his life must collect and save for it and gather honey."

I learned to not discuss myself, whether it be to belittle myself or praise myself, and that I had to give up the life I had planned to find the one that was waiting for me. I learned from Ann Landers, even, that "The most durable love relationships grow out of friendship. In fact, love is friendship that has caught fire." I learned that "the heart that loves is always young" and that what I thought of myself was more important than what others thought of me (Seneca.) I learned that the reward of patience is patience from St. Francis of Assisi, and that "Love is of God; and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."

Anne Morrow Lindbergh taught me that "woman must come of age by herself-she must find her true center alone." As I waited, I worked as well. I learned to forgive myself my failings and to be merciful to others, and especially to my children. And while Mother Teresa noted that loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the greatest poverty, I took hope from Henry Ford who noted that "Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" and that "Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement." And I began to believe that all good things come to those who wait ... it finally did for me! (more on that later ..)