Searching For Truth

"From the cowardice that shrinks from new truth, from the laziness that is content with half-truth, from the arrogance that thinks it has all truth ... O God of Truth, deliver us."

True-believing Mormons, which I once was, fall into all three of the categories mentioned above. Fortunately, I came to my senses after 25 years of ex-communication (at my own request) and a lifetime of trying to keep impossible standards (is perfection tough enough to reach?) I cannot stess enough to anyone who may be investigating this religion (i.e., the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) to "just say no" to this church and its representatives. Please visit one of the many Web sites sponsored by former Mormons, most of whom are far more knowledgable than myself. You will find a wealth of truth on the Web about this false religion and, trust me when I say, you are better off worshipping God at home on your knees and reading the good old King James version of the Bible than you'll ever be trying to live Joseph Smith's warped version of the gospel of Jesus Christ. What Gerald Massey said rings especially true as it so succintly describes the general relationship of members to the LDS leadership: "They must find it difficult ... Those who have taken authority as the truth, rather than truth as the authority."

Keep in mind, too, what Thomas Edison had to say about putting your faith in things that are not true. "Faith, as well intentioned as it may be, must be built on facts, not fiction - faith in fiction is a damnable false hope." Check out Utah Lighthouse Ministry's Web site, that is run by Sandra Tanner, a direct descendent of a previous prophet of the Mormon church. At the very least, please look before you leap!

Anyway, after spending most of my life trying to keep impossible and often ridiculous Mormon standards, I turned to the wisdom of the world, that is, I kept a record of the sayings of some of our greatest leaders, inspirational writers and poets. I started my collection long before I left the church, but have leaned on it more frequently since I cut all ties with Mormons. I found the following jewel and memorized it as I began my search for truth:

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield, but to my own strength.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved, but hope for the patience to win my freedom.
Grant me that I may not be a coward, feeling your mercy in my success alone, but let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.
(Rabindranath Tagore, "Fruit Gathering")

To get ready for my truth quest, I had to streamline my life, clear out a lot of the extracurricular stuff that was distracting and frustrating me. I took Anne Morrow Lindbergh's advice again when she wrote about "zerrissenheit," a German word William James used to for "torn-to-pieces-hood" by way of describing fragmentation of our lives by too many centrifugal activities. Lindbergh said, "We need time for self to renew our individual goals, define our needs, remove superfluous people, things, activities, from our lives and replace them with those things that matter most and need us most."

As Charles Haddon Spurgeon once suggested, "Learn to say 'no' - it will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin."

A lot of people did not like it when I stopped being a door mat and started saying "no" to almost everything that did not directly concern my children, my job or my studies. I learned to set priorities and stay on task until the task was done, and discovered that I could actually excel at a few things rather than barely complete many things as was my habit in the past. As Ralph Waldo Emerson noted, "The crime which bankrupts men and nations is that of turning aside from one's main purpose to serve a job here and there."

As part of the process of letting go of "superfluous" people, I had to keep in mind the following: "Being hypersensitive to the opinions others have of us puts us into the false position of making their approval our court of appeals instead of our own conscious and self-respect," as noted by William George Jordan. This is especially true when it is your own parents or other family members trying to get you to "change back" just when you are learning to think for yourself.

Because that is the real damage done by the Mormon church and its adherents: You are told how to think, act, feel and be. There is no individuality or originality or free thinking allowed. Every aspect of a member's life is scrutinized, including what goes on behind closed doors, and even 10 percent of their gross income belongs to the church if you want to keep full membership. As Abraham Lincoln once noted, however, "Force is all conquering but its victories are short-lived." As the Lord promised, if we know the truth, it will make us free ... not subservient as the LDS church dictates. If the church were true, it would encourage individual truth-seeking, but it does not. It is their way or the highway ... total obedience or nothing.

I choose my freedom, and agree with George Sand's saying, "Let us accept truth, even when it surprises us and alters our views."